Right now, I'm only half done with a bachelors degree, but have had to stop attending school for now. My grades suffered tremendously, I became bitter and prideful, detached myself from almost any social contact, lost my (approximately) minimum wage work for almost three months, and just recently picked up three jobs at mediocre pay to catch up financially. I have had 5 speeding tickets in the past year alone, 3 of which were considered reckless driving and led to suspension of my license. I hardly sing or play any instruments these days, despite being able to play several quite well. I took an EMT class and enjoyed it, but never took the test. I am well behind on rent. I have quite a bit of debt, and haven't been able to make any payments on my delinquent student loans. I found myself unable to maintain a healthy relationship with a wonderful woman who wanted to love me.
I believe that the distance between my present situation and my lofty aspirations is a result of many variables, but I would like to consider two which I see as main contributors as well as things that I can control.
First, I am self-centered. Though I want to give so much to the world, part of the motive to do so is because I want to be great in the eyes of my peers. This is not all bad, but it should never be my primary motivator. I have been far too concerned with how I can fix all of my own problems, make great things of myself, and so on. This also prevents me from seizing opportunity to participate in meaningful service, which is additionally crippling to ones wellbeing.
Secondly, I am daunted by the people in this world who have already achieved some sort of greatness. There are people who do all of the things that I would like to do, and do it better than I probably ever will be able to. It can be easy to give up on jumping off the diving board when your friends can do all the flips you can't, or to forget your guitar because you'll never be the best. The explorer in us wants to be the first to get somewhere, but struggles to find something no one else has done already.
My name is Jake. I hope to share my everyday successes with you. My audience consists of no super-humans, movie stars, virtuosos, but real people who are filled with just as much greatness of spirit. I want to get so lost enjoying my life, that I forget the pride in me that makes anything but first place seem pointless. My name is Jake.
Nice to meet you.