I never new

Some of us may find ourselves taught to understand the greatness in each of us, but fail to release it. They never knew, because they never new.

In contrast, many are conditioned to feel small and meaningless, and so they never release the same great potential which is just as much present as in the aforementioned. They never new, because they never knew.

I have been running 3-4 times per week since mid-February; I want to trim the fat, breathe the air, and see if maybe clothes will fit more perfectly if I'm closer to what fashion seems to think is "normal." Two weeks ago, I got the flu and didn't run at all. The following week, I felt really tired and hardly able to run as far and as well as I had been. The short hikes I normally enjoy have been really hard. In short, the little progress I had made seemed gone in a flash. I was so tired this morning after a late shift at work last night, so I didn't go for a run when I first woke up. Afraid this would lead to the total abandonment of my jogging efforts, I decided I would run anyhow, even though my last run was particularly disappointing.

I drove to a trail I like to run on. It goes through a cow pasture, and follows a river with fish regularly jumping, and where a flock of teen geese loiter daily. I started with my usual 10 minute walk to loosen up, stretched a little, and started running. I don't know have a good sense of distance on the trail yet, so I take my phone with me and run for ten minutes, then ten minutes back, followed by a walk and more stretching.

The first ten minutes out felt pretty dismal; it took only one minute for me to downshift into a gear just above walking. As I turned around, I walked for just a moment to let my heart rate calm down. I started running at my pathetic pace once more, when I thought on a coworker who I talk with about his workouts. He is a true athlete, and sprints often. I felt an urge to just sprint. What the heck, right? Well, I felt like I had been out of energy for ten minutes already, so using up the reserve couldn't hurt. As I sped up, I noticed it was much easier to go faster than I had anticipated, and even felt better on most of my muscles. I paused after a few minutes of this new, bolder pace, pleased with this new discovery! I could indeed run at the pace I had earned after running for weeks; I hadn't lost it! As I slowed to a walk in order to monitor my heart rate, I came close to a bail of hay. Further ahead, I saw a post on the side of the trail. I decided I would full out sprint the distance. And I did! I was definitely out of breath, but after a moment I was able to jog the rest of the distance I hoped to cover.

In my life, I can often feel the next level just above my head. But I can feel so discouraged in various ways, as to never reach up and push to that level. Todays success was symbolic; I will try that much harder with things that matter much more than a morning jog, and I expect to see some rewards.

I know I can do this; I've always known. But I never knew, because I never new.

Now I know.